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Do you ask for help?

I often experience people who find it difficult to ask for help. It is probably a combination of their upbringing and character. Children who, unconsciously, learn from their parents are sometimes taught that they must find their own solutions. Perhaps they are taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness.

Our assessment partner MRG has a scale for this in their personality assessment. We measure on this scale how someone scores on "receiving". If the score is low, it costs that person a lot of energy to ask for help. If it is high, asking for help will give energy. It has been found that many managers, score low. As a result, they sort everything out themselves, from self-doctoring (Dr. Google), to running their finances, to managing their work and career. You name it. But they do not realize that they cannot know everything. You can never develop the deep expertise you need to make good decisions in all areas. It is a dangerous cocktail that easily leads to making suboptimal decisions.

There is  an interesting dynamic going on in our coaching practice.  I must be honest, there are still a number of people who don't like using coaching. "Can't you do it yourself?" "I hired you to do the work, right? Why do you need a coach? ", "How do I come across to my colleagues / friends if they know I have a coach?" Fortunately, this phenomenon is declining rapidly. But it’s still happening today!

Who knows a top 10 tennis player without a coach? What is the difference with a top manager? They do the same thing, right? Both engage in top sport. In both situations, a coach with the right expertise can enable you to get to the next level. Precisely because you have already proven yourself. Precisely because you already work at a high level.

My ambition is to contribute to changing the perception of leadership coaching, and that within 10 years’ time using a leadership coach will seem just as normal as the top tennis players who use their coach to get a little better.

A coach is not soft. And a coach is also not a status symbol. A good coach is just a sound business investment. No more, no less.

Hopefully this inspires.


Paul Donkers


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By Paul Donkers

"my purpose is to help improve strategy execution, to create high performing teams and coach for effective business leaders"

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